im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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