I skipped work to stalk him.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
