He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
