never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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