Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
