I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
