Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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