I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
