I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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