This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
