You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
