you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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