I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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