So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
