i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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