if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
