He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
