Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have already put on my inside pants.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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