His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
