Umm I'm too high to move.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize