3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
