Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
