I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
