My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
