when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
