That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
