Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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