I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
