so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
