tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
