I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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