We won't sleep together?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
