my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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