he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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