I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
