dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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