I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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