I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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