either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
