I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
