You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
