i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
