All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
