i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
