my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i would punch a child for taco bell
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
