He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
