Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
