I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
