Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
