Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
