Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
