Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
