Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
