I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
