This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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