Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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