'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
