quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
