the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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