Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
