I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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