Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
