are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
