Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
