you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
