Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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