Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
