So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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