i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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