I can text with my tongue
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
