I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
