i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
