4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
