im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
