Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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