A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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